Big soft teddy bear
by LAIsobel
Summary: Little Christmas story because I can't help myself. I can't wait for January but the Christmas is indeed all around now! Should be two or three chapters long fic, maybe a bit OOC. First chapter set after the windstorm and we go from there. And yes, Andy and Sullivan romance thrown in there eventually of course. It's Christmas after all.
1. Chapter 1

„Andy?" Maya asked her friend.

"What?"

"Is everything okay? You kind of zoned out on me."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to."

"Something on your mind?" Maya asked and Andy just shrugged. There was nothing in particular she wanted to talk about. She looked outside and watched the very rare snow falling outside. With all the hanging Christmas lights outside on the street it looked magical. It wasn't Christmas yet but it looked so beautiful she could just sit by the window and watch it.

"Here." Maya handed her cup of hot coffee.

"Thanks." Andy took it happily. She felt cold and it smelled so nice with the bit of cinnamon Maya threw in there to enhance the flavor.

"I can't believe it's snowing." Andy said then.

"Me neither. Guys from B shift will be busy tonight."

"Yeah, people are not used to the snow anymore."

"You can't wait to be back huh?" Maya asked, sitting on the couch, looking at her friend. She was still on medical leave after diving that cliff in aid car.

"I don't know actually." Andy admitted after a while.

"It's been three weeks." Maya pointed out. "I thought you'd be going nuts by now."

"Me too. But it's just… I don't know. My ribs still hurt and the bruise on my hip has a really dark purple color right now."

"It changes every day." Maya chuckled.

"It does." Andy smiled back at her. "It's not that I don't miss it. I do. I just…"

"Are you worried? After what happened?"

"I am not worried about going back to work. But the whole accident made me think about things."

"Andy…"

"We could have died. And not in a fire. Just during a windstorm. Stupid windstorm. In aid car."

"But you didn't."

"I know. I know." Andy screwed her eyes shut. "I don't know what's my problem. I've been to the counseling and I get it all. Bit of a survival's guilt with a bit of PTSD. But I'm dealing with it. Or so I thought till it started to snow."

"Hey, you'll take it one step at a time. No rush. You take your time and then when they clear you for duty you can stay at the Station for some time before you go on calls again." Maya suggested.

"You don't have to babysit me, Maya." Andy said back, little offended.

"You know I don't babysit you. I care about you." Maya said back. It was sometimes really difficult to get through to Herrera. She was stubborn as hell.

"I know. Sorry…" Andy said and smiled apologetically.

"Have you talked to Sullivan?" Maya asked after few silent minutes. Andy didn't reply. She kept on looking outside, watching the snow. She looked a bit sad and deep in thought. Maya walked over to her. She squeezed her shoulder affectionately.

"He doesn't want any visitors. And when I tried calling, he didn't pick up. So the message seems to be clear." Andy said and wasn't happy about it.

"He's going through a lot." Maya tried to defend him.

"I know he is but that's not an excuse!" Andy was getting fierce. Maya knew there was something deeper going on but she didn't know what.

"What happened between you two in that aid car?" Maya asked. "I know you told me nothing when I asked before but right now it doesn't seem like nothing. It's bothering you." Maya was firm.

Andy wasn't willing to share much about what happened in that aid car. The incident report was strictly about the medical facts, about treating Shannon, about the chronological order of events as they lived through them.

Nobody said a word about the tears on his face, about the tears on hers, about his shaking hands or about Andy refusing to leave his side on their way to the hospital. The report stayed clear of everything that wasn't necessary to be reported.

Maya was there when they opened the door. She saw them in the aid car with their dead victim. She saw the anxiety, the fatigue, she saw how drained they both looked, how sad and scared. And that scared her because Andy was never scared. She never showed fear like that. But this time it was different. Maya was there and saw Sullivan's blank stare as they took him out of the damn broken car and loaded him into hospital. He wasn't even able to tell them about his condition. Andy was the one to report about his injuries, medication and medical status.

Maya saw Andy's dad hug her close to his chest and she saw how reluctantly he was letting her go but she needed to go to the hospital.

And Maya saw how Andy reached over and took Sullivan's hand into hers just before the door of the helicopter closed and took them both away. No words were said.

Andy wanted to comfort Sullivan somehow but knew it was pointless. They both knew the facts and had to work with them – or with the lack of them to be precise. He needed to see a doctor before anything could be said or done. And the waiting was killing him. It was killing them both.

But of course Maya didn't know about how Andy broke down in the car after Shannon died. How she crumbled and cried, how she suffered. It hadn't been for long, just a couple of minutes before she screamed, punched the side of the car and with few quick deep breaths she composed herself back and knelt down to Sullivan. He watched her with concern and worry but didn't say a word.

Andy checked his vitals, she adjusted back his c-collar, she checked the temperature of his arms, torso, legs and feet. She double checked everything.

Sullivan knew what she was doing. She needed to stay busy. She needed to do something or she would go crazy. The situation was getting under her skin and he felt horrible because he was her Captain, he was supposed to be there to help her and instead of that she was saving him. It wasn't supposed to be like that. And especially now when he just began to see what kind of a person she really was, when he finally opened up to her a bit and told her about his wife.

"Andy. Stop." He said when she checked his legs again.

"No."

"Stop." He said again, gently.

"I'm not gonna lose you too!" She screamed at him, frustrated and scared. Sullivan had to swallow a lump that formed in his throat before he could talk.

"You're not."

"You don't know that. You can't know that." Andy sounded defeated.

"Give me the facts, Lieutenant." He ordered her. She didn't react. "Give me. The. Facts." He said again and she took a deep breath and named all the facts she had about his condition.

"What's your conclusion?" He asked when she was done.

"Possible spine injury."

"And?"

"Paralysis from waist down."

"And?"

"No signs of internal bleeding or internal injuries." She finished.

"So?" He asked again but she couldn't look at him. So he moved his hand and put it under her chin to make her look up at him.

"Andy?" He asked again. And she couldn't keep the tears from falling down her face.

"I'm so sorry." She said then and put her forehead on his chest as she was still kneeling by his gurney. Sullivan didn't really know what to do. So he just waited. Andy calmed down and looked him in the eye finally.

"You're worse because of me."

"No."

"I shouldn't have left."

"You had to and we both know it. It was my decision to move. Against your medical advice by the way." He admitted and she chuckled despite everything.

"You're bad when it comes to following orders." She said and he gave her a little smile.

"You're having a bad influence on me." He replied and she grinned.

"You have to get better, Captain."

"We'll see. I'm not giving up." He said, sounding a lot calmer than he actually was. He was frightened and scared and wanted to scream in frustration. But his Lieutenant needed him so he could at least be there for her now when he failed her before.

Andy got up, put Shannon's necklace around her neck and sat down. It was dark there, raining for a couple of minutes, the wind died down but it was cold. She dared to look at her Captain and saw him cry silently. She knew he had to be scared to death. She knew he had to feel lost and she could understand it. So she reached over and touched his face. He leaned into that touch and neither said a word.

When they found them they were both so lost in thought, cold and worried that they almost didn't respond to their friends and colleagues calling their names. The Chief himself was there. And they were almost motionless, acting on autopilot, following orders.

Back at the scene Captain Herrera was giving orders to his people, securing the aid car, following protocol. The Chief was there.

"Pruitt, go. I'll finish it up here." Ripley told the old Captain knowing he had to be worried sick.

"No, thanks, Chief."

"Come on, Pruitt." He tried talking some sense into him. But Pruitt just looked at him sadly.

"I can't be sitting in the waiting room waiting for information. I need to be here, doing my job. Then I can face her and Sullivan." He told the Chief and Ripley nodded.

"I called for 23 to handle it here. It's too personal for you. We'll wait for them, hand it all over and we all go." Ripley said and after a moment Pruitt nodded.

Maya heard the conversation and she was crawling out of her skin with worry.

In the hospital Andy and Sullivan got separated, each had his own team of people taking care of them. Both were silent, answered when they were asked something directly but other than that, they hadn't said a word. The trauma they went through was too big.

And now, watching the snow fall outside the window, Andy couldn't help it, she just felt … sad. Hurt. Anxious. Tired. There was something going on in her head she couldn't address.

"We just kept each other going." She told Maya in the end.

"Oh come on." Maya wasn't buying it.

"What do you want me to say, Maya?" Andy asked then, little irritated.

"Just tell me what happened! Just tell me what's bothering you so much about him not wanting to talk to you right now." Maya pressed the issue, knowing Andy was about to crack soon – she would either tell her what happened or tell her to leave her alone.

"I left him!" Andy answered, angry. Then she looked at Maya. "I left him there alone."

"You had to set up the flare."

"And my patient was crashing so he moved and tried to help her." Andy said quietly.

"What? That wasn't in the report."

"No, it wasn't. He moved because I wasn't there and disrupted his spine even more. He would have been better."

"And we wouldn't have found you." Maya argued back.

"I know and he told me the same. But I can't just shake that feeling. Shannon died anyway."

"Her condition was serious even before you got her to the aid car."

"But she should have made it if we…"

"No, stop. You couldn't have gotten her to a hospital. The roads were blocked. The windstorm was too strong. It threw you in that damn car down a cliff." Maya said little angry at Andy for blaming herself.

Andy didn't say anything else and Maya watched her for a few minutes.

"That's not it, is it?" She asked then and Andy walked over to her and sat down on the couch next to her friend.

"I lost it."

"You lost what?"

"I lost it when Shannon died. I broke down."

"Okay… little unexpected coming from you but given the circumstances…" Maya tried.

"I broke down right there with him when he couldn't move. And he tried to comfort me." Andy said and Maya so much wanted to say something funny about that but thought better of it.

"I panicked then that I would lose him too. I was acting crazy and he just…"

"He what?" Maya asked gently.

"He brought me back, kept me sane, kept me going. And I couldn't do a damn thing for him."

"I don't think that's true." Maya said carefully.

"He's angry at me." Andy said then and Maya knew that maybe this was one of those things bothering her the most.

"I highly doubt that."

"I should have done better." Andy argued back and felt so sad. Watching the snow outside reminded her of something he had told her before.

"He wanted to learn how to ski." She said then out of the blue.

"Sullivan?"

"Yes. He was living in Montana with all that snow and didn't know how to ski. He was taking walks with snow-shoes but he didn't…" Andy trailed off.

Maya understood. And now with the snow in Seattle which was a rarity these past years, he was alone in the hospital and still didn't know if he would ever walk properly again, let alone get the chance to learn how to ski.

Andy leaned into her friend and let her hug her. Maya held her and gave her time.

"I don't know what changed but he really tried before."

"That coffee you two had?"

"Yeah, that too. He tried to understand us better. And in that aid car…"

"What?"

Andy told Maya about Sullivan losing his wife on that crossroad, about why he left for Montana and why he never wanted to come back to Seattle.

"I've heard rumors about him but now things make sense."

"They do, right? I think he's the way he is because he's actually human." Andy said and Maya laughed.

"Fire Grinch a human, huh?" Maya replied and Andy smiled at that.

"Crazy, I know."

"Yeah. You sure you didn't hit your head?" Maya asked with a smile and was pleased to see Andy grinning back at her.

"So what? You two are becoming friends now?"

"I don't know but something's different." Andy admitted.

"It makes sense after what you've been through together." Maya replied.

"See? So I don't understand why he wouldn't want visitors. Even the guys were asking if they could drop by." Andy argued back as it wouldn't leave her alone.

Maya thought about it for a moment and then realized that the man was doing something she would have done at his place.

"Because he's scared. And not just that he wouldn't walk again but that's getting closer to us. Maybe we're not just damn assets to him anymore and it scares the shit out of him." Maya suggested and Andy had to admit that it made sense.

"So what do I do?" She asked Maya with hope in her eyes that her friend would know.

"Wait and give him time. Maybe once he has some news to share he would."

The doorbell rang and Maya went to open the door. It was Vic. She had a movie in her hand and bag of fries and another one with cheeseburgers and onion rings. It was a girls night and they would watch a movie, eat junk food and then take ice-cream out of the freezer. No more heavy thoughts for that time.

Andy was glad she talked to Maya but she still worried about Sullivan. Maybe something did change between them. Maybe he was about to be a good friend and Captain. Maybe he could be part of the crew and enjoy their time together. But he might as well close himself off after this event and leave and for some reason that possibility bothered her a lot. She actually didn't want him to go, not now when she finally got to know him a bit better and could understand him a bit better. As she told him before, she didn't want to lose him.

Especially now when they were all worried about Gibson and his mental state. She was happy that her father talked the Chief into letting him run 19 till Sullivan was back but without Sullivan and without Gibson it would be so weird there… she was in no hurry to go back. She just couldn't. Maybe it was too early after the accident. And maybe it wasn't and she just wasn't ready. Or maybe she was ready and was simply… afraid. All sorts of normal human emotions that were confusing her and that were so exhausting she didn't know how to deal with them.

When Christmas came Gibson was still off duty, Sullivan was still in hospital, Pruitt Herrera was running the station and Andy was taking only light desk duty and maintenance around the Station, no calls for her. It was Christmas Eve and it was snowing again. The temperature was just around zero degrees so the snow wouldn't last but it was nice anyway.

This day had somehow usual routine at 19. Maya was there as she didn't want to come home because of the dispute she had with her parents about her brother. Gibson was there as he had no family aside from the crew. Hughes was there for practically the same reason. And the Captain was there as well. And this year Andy was there too. She didn't want to be home alone.

The rest of the crew wasn't part of her shift but she knew those people, worked with them closely before and had no problem being there with them. They had sort of festive breakfast and luckily only few calls so far. But she knew the evening would be worse.

She still hadn't heard from Sullivan, he didn't want to see anyone from the crew and only the Chief had some information about him. Andy tried not to think about it but it kept on coming back to her. She knew he was all alone in Seattle. Or at least she guessed so when he told her he had no family there. His parents lived in Colorado and from what she understood they were not exactly close after he closed himself off after his wife died. And his sister lived in London.

Damn, it was Christmas!

She knew she was supposed to wait but it was Christmas. And the Christmas songs were on the radio whole day and there were movies on the TV she loved and it was snowing and everything looked so beautiful. And he was alone in a hospital, worried and hurt and it wasn't fair.

Andy sighed and felt like punching something. How was it possible that she just couldn't leave this be?

"Go." Suddenly Maya said behind her.

"What?"

"It's Christmas."

"I know."

"So grab some food, punch, piece of mistletoe and go and see him before you go nuts." Maya said with a smile.

"It's a stupid idea." Andy argued back.

"It's Christmas." Maya replied like that should explain everything. But after a minute of thinking about it back and forth, Andy did as Maya suggested. She packed few things, told her father she was leaving and went to the hospital.

She was surprised how nice it looked in the hospital, with all the lights and decorations. It wasn't that sterile as usually and she liked it. She walked to the neurological ward and stopped at the reception. Nurse Holden was there, she knew her.

"Mary, hi." She greeted her.

"Andy. Hey. What brings you by?"

"I was hoping I could see Captain Sullivan." Andy said and looked nervous. Mary looked nervous too.

"I know he doesn't want any visitors. But it's Christmas." Andy added. "Please."

"Andy…"

"If he tells me to go I will. But I need to try. I was there with him, Mary, when it happened."

That surprised nurse Holden. Obviously she didn't know about that little fact.

"Good luck." Holden told Herrera and smiled at her. She showed her which room it was. Andy noticed the curtains weren't closed, she stood by the door and watched him lie in the bed, propped against the pillows, with the little Christmas lights on the window. There were no machines there around him which meant he was physically doing great. He had some equipment for physiotherapy there and Andy realized how little she knew about his condition and that it truly bothered her. Taking a deep breath she knocked on the door and entered the room.

"Herrera?" He looked disbelievingly at her.

"Hello, Sir."

"What are you doing here?" He asked but to her surprised didn't sound mad. Just curious.

"Well, it's Christmas."

"Yes. And?" He asked, this time with a bit more emotion in his voice.

"And I know you don't want to see anyone and that you want to be alone but it's Christmas and I don't want you to be alone." Andy said and walked over closer to him. Without waiting for a reply or asking for permission she opened the bag she brought with her.

And to his absolute shock she started to unload some food on the small table he had there. He just watched her and was at loss for words to say. Then she handed him a to-go cup.

"Punch. No alcohol. But it's delicious." She told him and looked back down to her bag so she wouldn't have to risk giving him a chance to tell her to stop.

She opened a box with Christmas cookies of all sorts.

"What are those?"

"People from 19 come from different families and each brought something today. These are from Charlie. His grandmother was from Europe and they baked those when he was a kid. So he carries on the tradition with his kids. I was skeptical but try them." She told him with a smile.

And to his own surprise he smiled back. And took a bite. And was in heaven.

Andy noticed and it warmed her heart. She finished unpacking all the bits of food, then a thermos with hot chocolate. She also had a bag of small marshmallows to be put in there. When she was done she was even more nervous than before coming here.

"Herrera."

"Sir." She finally looked him directly in the eye.

"Shouldn't you be with your father?"

"You really want to be alone." She concluded sadly. In defeat she sat down into the chair next to his bed and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sir. I should have done better, tried harder."

"Andy." He started but she stopped him.

"What if we start over?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" He asked back.

"What if right now I'm not your Lieutenant and you're not my Captain? What if we're just two victims from a same accident?" She asked and as he didn't reply she walked over to the door and knocked.

"Hey, there you are. Remember me? It's Andy from the car crash." She said and looked at him expectantly.

"Andy, hi. What are you doing here?"

"Well guess what, I heard on my check-up that you were still here so I thought I would stop by and keep you company for a while. Do you mind?"

"No, come on in." He said, still unsure about this whole scenario. Andy was nervous too but it was a game she could play. Or so she hoped. She sat down to the chair again.

"So what do you do for living, Robert?"

"I'm a teacher." He said and when she grinned at him, he felt something warm spread in his chest. "You?"

"Oh, I have a really boring job in the library." She said and that made him chuckle. "And how are you after the accident?" She added. For a moment she feared she went too far because his features changed rapidly. But then he took the opportunity she was giving him.

"I damaged several neuropaths in my legs and there was a huge swelling around my spine. They had to do a surgery to remove some fluid."

"Oh, that sounds serious." She replied, now worried sick about what he would say next.

"Yeah. I didn't know if I would ever walk again. Or even sit on my own." He admitted and Andy felt tears in the corners of her eyes.

"And now?" she asked, her voice trembling.

"Well the swelling is gone and there should be no permanent damage. And I still can't move my legs." He said and looked at her, noticing how it affected her. "But I can sit on my own, I have a physiotherapist that comes here twice a day to work on my legs. I'm basically like a baby learning to walk again." He said.

"And will you?" She asked, blinking away the tear she felt.

"No guarantees." He said and Andy closed her eyes.

"Andy." He said her name. She looked at him after a moment and he was there, alive and breathing.

"Do you want me to go?" She asked.

"No." He replied. "Not today." He added and she nodded. "How are you?" He asked then.

"I'm okay. Everything healed." She said and they were both silent. Sullivan then did something he didn't understand. He reached over and grasped her hand. Andy was surprised but squeezed back and didn't let go.

"I am sorry too." He said then.

"About what?"

"I should have done better, tried harder." He repeated her words to her. And so they stayed there, holding hands and neither knew what to say or do.

Andy got up then, sat on the edge of his bed, he still didn't say a word but she felt how stiff he was. So taking a deep breath she leaned over and hugged him. He wasn't sure about what to do with that.

"It's Christmas. And you're not my Captain now." She clarified into his neck. He huffed something and hugged her back. And had to admit that it felt so good.

She wouldn't ever know it but when Ripley came to see him right after the accident when the whole crew was in the waiting room, anxious about any information about him and Herrera, he didn't really want to see him but Ripley knew that.

"Sully."

"Go away, Luke."

"No. I'm not going anywhere. Look, you might be mad at me and you don't want to see me or talk to me, but you're going to listen, okay? I was worried about you, we all were. And yes, I made a mistake and you will never forgive me but I will always consider you my friend. And right now you need a friend."

"I need to be alone." Sully wouldn't budge.

"Well you can very well ignore me but I'm not going anywhere." Ripley said and sat down to a chair they had in the ICU. They were silent for hours. Ripley stepped outside when Sullivan's doctors came to him but that was about it. It took Sullivan hours before he spoke.

"How is she?" He asked and looked at Ripley. He regarded him for a moment before deciding to answer his question.

"Exhausted, cracked ribs, some bruises, mild concussion. She'll be fine. She'll be here for couple of days and if all goes well she can go home then."

"Good." He said and they were silent again.

"Sully, what happened down there?" Ripley asked. "I read the statement she gave."

"So you know."

"Sully…"

"I failed." Sullivan said, looking up to the ceiling. "She had to take care of me, of the victim, she had to climb up with cracked ribs, she hit her head. I failed her. She saved my ass." He said.

"Damn, Sully… I'm so sorry." Ripley replied and sat with him for another two hours before the nurse kicked him out. Sully made sure to inform him about any news but that was the only contact he had with the outside world. He called his parents and he talked to his sister but that was it.

He couldn't very well admit to anyone that he was lonely and scared and needed a friend. He couldn't talk about his feelings because those were stupid and irrational and he was supposed to be the tough Captain with no feelings at all. And so he stayed alone with his thoughts. He promised himself he would talk to Herrera and to Ripley once he was walking again. He promised himself he would indeed do better and try harder. His crew deserved that from him. He got all the get well soon wishes and he knew they wanted to stop by but he truly didn't feel like he could face any of them.

Then Andy tried calling and he was torn between picking up and letting it ring. He never picked up. He couldn't. He was afraid.

But now she was here, she was the brave one again, she gathered all her courage and came to him, came to talk to him, to make him company so he wouldn't be alone on Christmas. The hug wasn't long but it gave him the strength he needed. It made him feel better than anything in those past weeks.

"Merry Christmas." He said into her hair and felt her giggle into his neck.

"Merry Christmas." She replied and moved away from him. She remained sitting on the bed though. The moment after was so awkward she almost left.

"Do you have to leave soon?" He asked, taking a huge leap of faith, huge step out of his comfort zone.

"No. I can stay. We can watch a movie?" She asked unsure but he just handed her the remote control. And to her utter surprise he moved aside a bit so she had room next to him on the bed.

"Your back must be killing you from the long hours at the library." He said as an explanation and she laughed. And so they sat next to each other on his bed, eating cookies, drinking punch, skipping through channels till they found a movie to watch. It was unexpected and would most probably never happen again but it was nice and they both found some much needed comfort in that.

It was dark outside and Andy knew she should be leaving soon.

"I know you don't want us here, that it makes you uncomfortable but can you call sometimes? Let us know how you're doing? Or call me?" She asked, looking at him seriously. He knew that the answer would most probably change his life in a very unexpected way. Could he do that? Could he bond with his crew? Could he be a friend to someone?

"I will." He said and she smiled. Maybe there was some Christmas magic in the air after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Sullivan did as he promised. Sort of. The rehab was long and tough and it took months during which he had to stay at the hospital. He was grumpy and lonely and didn't want company. Ripley stopped by regularly. They wouldn't talk, he would just tell him work related information, sit with him for an hour and then he would go. Sullivan didn't have the guts to tell him what it meant to him because he was still not ready to forgive him.

The nurses were nice enough, he couldn't complain about anything regarded the care there. His therapist was tough and wouldn't forgive him anything. But it suited him. He was ready to fight for his legs and he needed someone to push him to his limits and also to stop him from overdoing it. Mike was ready for all his outbursts and complaining as well as for the silent treatment he would occasionally get. He helped Sullivan more than with just his legs.

Sullivan had a lot of time to think about his life, his priorities, about what he wanted to do and where he wanted to be. He started to call his parents more often, he had couple of videocalls with his little sister. The first few times she let him sweat and she certainly didn't make anything easy on him but he couldn't blame her.

And so during the third videochat he told her. He told her everything about why he reduced his contact to birthday and Christmas cards, why he couldn't allow himself to be close to her. He told her about the very dark place he had been, about how his heart cracked and he failed to mend the broken pieces. She listened to him and cried silently and when he got to the point when Ripley called him and asked him to come back to Seattle again, that he had a job cut out just for him, he was crying too.

"I'm so sorry Julie."

"I'm so sorry too, Bobby." She said and looked so broken he felt bad for telling her. It also sounded strangely comforting to hear her calling him Bobby. She was the only one that called him that.

"I know I messed up."

"You did but you had your reasons."

"That's not an excuse." He argued back.

"So don't try to excuse it. Just learn from it and move forward."

"I'm trying to." He admitted.

"I missed you big brother." She told him with a smile and he smiled back.

"I missed you to, Ace." He used the nickname he gave her when she was born and she chuckled through her tears. Yeah, she missed that too.

"You know what this means, right?" She asked him then.

"What?"

"That I expect you to call regularly now. That I want to know what's going on in your life. I want to hear about your days and about your friends and maybe one day about some woman you meet and like." He chuckled at that. Julie was the first one to meet Claire and they bonded immediately. "And that I certainly hope to get to see you soon in person." She added with a serious look.

"You sure about that? What about Tom and the kids?" He asked, worried.

"If you think they don't know you exist, you're wrong. Tom might give you a bit of a hard time because when you left it really hurt."

"Forgive me." He asked and she just smiled at him.

"I forgave you a long ago, Bobby. I just missed you, that's all." She told him. "And I told both Beth and Daniel about you everything I could and when we visit mom and dad they show them pictures and tell them stories. You're not a stranger to them."

"If you're sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. We're family, remember?"

"Okay then." He agreed.

"How are you? Really." She asked, the heavy emotions out of the way now.

"Getting better. One leg is okay but I struggle with the other."

"But the prognosis is good, right?"

"Yeah, with a lot of exercise and therapy there should be no permanent damage."

"Hang tight, it will be okay."

"Yeah, I hope so."

"When are they letting you go home?"

"I don't know yet. It's easier to be here with the extensive and intense therapy but I really want to go home soon." He admitted and she felt sympathy for him. It had to be horrible. If he wasn't alone at home he could have gone home sooner but like this…

"Did you at least have a nice Christmas?" She asked.

"Actually I did." He admitted. It surprised her.

"That's great. Was Luke with you?" She asked, hoping those two fixed their friendship.

"No, we're not… I mean…"

"Bobby." She scolded him like a little kid.

"It's not easy, okay? But he stops by and I'm not mad anymore." He admitted to her and she could only hope it was true.

"So who was there with you?"

"A friend. Of sorts. Ehm, she's from my crew at the Station. She was with me in the car during the accident. She stopped by, brought some punch and movies." He told her and felt so silly that it made him wonder what the hell was his problem.

"I'm glad." She said and smiled at him.

"Yeah, me too."

"Bobby?"

"Yes?"

"Please tell me you're not keeping the people around you at arm's length."

"It's not that easy, Julie."

"It is easy to make friends and it's beneficial."

"So I've heard."

"Look, you've been through something terrible and I understand you're worried. But having friends is not a bad thing. Think about it, okay? Once you're out of that hospital you might… I don't know, make the first step, open up a bit. You're such a good man." She told him and he felt warmth spreading through him. Damn he missed his sister.

"I'll try, okay? I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking." She replied. "I'm sorry, big brother, I have to go. It's almost midnight here and I have early start tomorrow."

"Sure, sorry for keeping you."

"No, don't be sorry." She smiled and then with a deep breath she said "I love you."

"Love you too." He said back and closed the laptop before she could watch him cry again.

He thought a lot about what happened in his life in the past months. He tried to think about the people from the Station, about their personalities, about how they clicked and how they worked together. He tried to assess if he could be part of that crew. If he could blend in. He tried to remember all the important stuff about them, about what drove them and made them do what they did on daily basis.

He wasn't sure how that happened but he started to respect them and saw them as more than just assets. This station changed him. Or maybe brought him back from that dark solitude he used to live in before. Was he really ready to open up? Was he ready to let go of the past enough to embrace the memories and just move on with his life? Could he stay in Seattle? Could he be the Captain they needed and part of team? Could he for example share breakfast with them?

Maybe the answer was yes, after all those years it was a yes.

When Sully was able to move around a bit on with crutches, which was embarrassing and exhausting, Ripley took a walk with him during his visit. Sully asked him to. He didn't really know how to approach him but he needed to talk to him.

"Why don't you just say it, Sully?" Ripley asked when he watched him struggle.

"I need your help with something."

"Sure. What is it?"

"I'd like to start the paperwork for Herrera." Sullivan said.

"What kind of paperwork?" Ripley asked a bit worried.

"She was hurt, she crawled out of the car, brought the gurney, strapped me onto it as best as she could, dragged me around the car to the back and then inside. She treated me and the victim and she saved our lives when she climbed up to that road. She could have died out there with concussion and cracked ribs, she could have died when she fell and hit her head. But instead of that she came back and fought for the victim and for me." Sullivan said and Ripley didn't interrupt him. He knew that he needed to get it out of his chest.

"You would have done the same."

"Yes. But it was her." Sully said and Ripley nodded.

"Okay. So what you had in mind?" Ripley asked him and so Sully told him about the idea of a medal for her, she deserved it.

"Well I can start the paperwork of course."

"Bring me whatever you need me to sign or fill in."

"I will."

"Thank you, Luke." Sully said and although there was a part of him that had a feeling about Herrera not being too happy about the medal, he knew it was the right thing to do. And so Luke started on the paperwork and put the whole process into motion. Maybe it was a bad idea but maybe it wasn't.

The second visit Andy paid to him while he was in the hospital was just after she found out about this. She came storming into his room only to find out he wasn't there. So she asked the nurse and she told her where to look for him and that he was just finishing up his exercises.

Andy thanked her and continued in her search for him. When she found the gym she was ready to give him hell but then she watched him kind of walk with the crutches and she stood there gaping at him, tears in her eyes. When he noticed her he smiled at her so broadly she almost forgot the reason why she was there. He walked over to her carefully, his therapist walking beside him.

"You're walking."

"Well I'm getting there."

"He's too hard on himself. He's doing great. He's going home the day after tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'll be still coming here for exercises though." He said and noticed the weird look she had. He guessed he knew the reason for her posture so he asked his therapist if he could go. The guy looked back and forth between him and Andy and agreed. Those two seemed like they needed to talk. And so he walked away and Sullivan asked Andy to sit down with him on a bench that was in the corridor.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you that they're releasing me."

"Why?" Andy asked.

"I don't know."

"No. Why did you put my name for the medal?" She asked again and he sighed. Here it came.

"Because you deserve it for what you did."

"There are others that did more than me." She argued back.

"Andy…"

"I don't want it." She said then and looked him straight in the eye.

"What?" He didn't understand.

"Shannon died. You spent months in hospital. I don't deserve a medal. Not by a long shot." She was getting angry.

"That's not true."

"Captain." She warned him.

"Listen to me, Andy. What you did was extraordinary. I thought very hard about it and I believe that you deserve it and I talked to the Chief about it and he agreed."

"I can't believe you didn't talk to me first. Why didn't you ask me?"

"Because I knew you would say no and to give it to somebody else." He said and she shot him a deadly glare.

"Sir…"

"You saved my life, Andy. You were there for me and you were there for Shannon. You somehow forgot to mention your own injuries and just did the possible and impossible to save us all. I'm not letting that slide. I can't."

"You're not listening to me." She argued back, less fierce but sad somehow.

"You're wrong."

"How?"

"You think that you failed. But you didn't." He said and waited till she looked at him.

"I'm proud of you, Andy. I'm proud to be your Captain." He added and she nodded, knowing he wouldn't change his mind. Sure, she could decline but that would not be fair. Besides she talked to Maya about this before coming here and she seemed to agree with Sullivan on this one. Andy wasn't happy about it but she knew she had to accept it.

"Do you have someone to bring you home the day after tomorrow?" She asked then to change the subject. Sullivan didn't reply.

"You don't, do you?"

"Taxi will do." He replied.

"You're kidding right? Jeez." She muttered something in Spanish that made him grin even though he knew that it was not funny to be called stubborn billy-goat.

"Can I take you home, Captain?" She asked then and it took him a long time to answer that question.

"I…"

"You'll just text me when. I have a free day the day after tomorrow. I'll take you home."

"Thank you." He said after another minute or two of being silent.

"But I'm still mad. And I don't agree." She added regarding the medal and the ceremony that would come with it. He nodded.

"I know." He replied because he did know indeed. But he hoped she would change her mind eventually. Maybe one day. Andy got up and walked away, leaving him there sitting on the bench. His therapist saw him there and walked over to him.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"What did you do?"

"I recommended her for a medal. She doesn't think she deserves it." Sullivan admitted.

"Does she?"

"Deserve it?"

"Yeah."

"She does. She did something incredible including saving my life."

"She's the one from the aid car?"

"She is." Sullivan admitted. He excused himself and slowly walked back to his room. He couldn't wait to go home. This was just too much on him.

He didn't get much sleep as he kept on thinking about her and that he would have to face her again the day after tomorrow. Would she still be mad? Or was she right and the medal was a bad decision? If it was a bad one Luke would have stopped it. Right?

Andy was mad and she didn't like the idea at all. Of course there was a part of her that was flattered and proud but she truly believed she didn't deserve it.

When she was picking him up from the hospital, she decided not to spoil the day. He was happy to be going home finally and she would not destroy that happy feeling for him by having some personal issues about that stupid horrible windstorm.

She helped him with his bag. He insisted on walking with the crutches, there was no way in hell he would let anyone push him in a wheelchair. She put the crutches into the trunk and drove him home.

"How's it gonna be now for you?" She asked before they got there.

"I have a lot of exercise to do at home." He replied.

"And are you going to the hospital again for more?"

"Yeah, I got a schedule." He said and Andy glared at him.

"I can get a taxi, Herrera. Or take a bus." He said and she huffed. He had to grin at that. Well he knew he could be stubborn but she was a different league.

"Relax, Herrera. I'll be fine." He tried but she didn't reply. Whatever was on her mind it bothered her.

When they arrived, Andy helped him with his duffel bag. He unlocked the door and she put it down into the living room. She tried not to look around too much but she was curious. The place was cozy, nice, lot of wood and warm colors. It wasn't something she expected but it was definitely something she liked and could easily associate with her Captain.

"So, do you have anything to eat here?" She asked him then.

"I'll go grocery shopping." He replied.

"Sir." She warned him.

"I can shop my own groceries, Herrera. Stop fussing." He said, little irritated. She looked a bit hurt for a second but then it passed and she just nodded.

"Sure, Sir." She said and knew that moment that she was closing off. "If you need anything, you can call. And I mean it." She told him.

"Thank you." He replied and meant it sincerely.

"Have a nice day, Captain. I'm glad you're home." She said and left without waiting for his reply. He watched her go and closed the door behind her. It was just weird but well what did he expect right?

The next weeks passed them by. Sullivan was making a lot of progress. He was far from being fit for duty but he was walking just with a crane and he was walking! That fact alone made him happy and ready to face the future.

When Luke told him that Herrera would get the medal, he really wished he could be there. But somehow he knew that it would make it all worse for her. She still hasn't forgiven him for putting her name for it. She still thought that she had failed him and seeing him there with the crane would not help things. He wanted to find some excuse but in the end the excuse found him. He was in for some scheduled tests and had to stay in the hospital over two nights. And the date of Herrera's ceremony collided with it.

He was surprised when she called him. They haven't really spoken since the day she drove him home. And those weeks made him realize that he missed her, missed his people and was done with being alone and closed off. He didn't want to live like that. So when she called him and told him about the ceremony, when he excused himself, she did something unexpected.

"Sir, there'll be… well sort of a party afterwards at my and Maya's place. Could you stop by?"

He was totally taken aback.

"I'll try." He said then as for one thing he really didn't know if he would make it and for another he wasn't sure he should.

"Good." She replied, nervous.

And so then he found himself on her doorstep, trying to look totally causal while in the meantime he was so nervous he thought he would throw up. To his crew he was still a Grinch, he was the man that didn't like them, he was not one of them. And here he was, offering an olive branch. He had to take a couple of deep breaths before he rang the bell. And before Andy opened up he was ready to turn around and leave.

Andy was a bit surprised to see him as she didn't think he would show up – and because she just basically used Tanner to take the horrible edge she was feeling off. But when he smiled at her nervously, she could only smile back. She felt all the eyes behind her watching them, not believing. She didn't tell anyone she had told him to come.

"I convinced nurse Adams at rehab to give me an hour." He said.

"Nurse Adams is tough." She replied and watched him grin at her. Andy managed to say one more sentence and he wanted to reply but Bishop appeared behind Herrera.

"Captain, hi." Bishop said, little surprised.

"Hey." He greeted her, still trying to keep an open mind and happy mood.

"You're at our place." Bishop said not really believing that Sullivan was actually there.

"I hope you don't mind. I didn't want to miss the chance to toast Herrera." He said and for split of a second looked into Andy's eyes, both knowing what was behind it all. She ducked her head though. The first very awkward moment came when Ryan was trying to introduce himself, again and Sullivan seemed to have no idea whatsoever. Either it clicked or he played it cool then which made Andy hide her smile.

"Let's come in" Andy invited him, taking the bottle from him. She failed to notice the perplexed look between Ryan and Bishop about her last guest. "Let's pop that champagne" she said and suddenly felt nervous and anxious. Being friendly with him alone was one thing but here with all the people it was different somehow. She told herself to get a grip, that he deserved to be there with them and that she promised herself she would try harder when it came to him.

But then as they stood together by the table and he smiled at her, Andy knew that he was right where he was supposed to be. There with them. Part of the crew.

"To the new beginnings." He said and she could only agree. Yeah, this certainly was one.

It was a bit weird but it also felt good. Something shifted between them and she was happy he was there. He deserved to be there. So what, maybe it was little strange between them ever since she spent the Christmas with him, or maybe even before, but he was a good man and she saw the potential in him.

He looked around and saw the people talking, having fun. He was nervous like only a few times before in his life but he forced himself to relax. When Andy made it clear he was welcomed, others seemed to accept him as well. He didn't stay for long and knew that this was a first step on a very long road towards the acceptance of his people.

Well the only one watching him and not saying a thing was Pruitt. He felt his eyes on him the whole time. When he was leaving Pruitt just nodded in his direction and Sullivan for some reason felt good about that. He didn't know why though.

When he left Andy had to answer few curious questions about what the hell what he was doing there. Ryan was definitely happy about the Captain's presence there. When fourth person came to her to ask her about it, it was surprisingly Maya, who stopped those questionings.

"He's our Captain." She told her colleagues. "And he was here to congratulate Andy which was nice of him." She added.

"It was weird." Miller said.

"He just popped in our lives and we have to follow his orders but him being here?" Montgomery asked. He just couldn't get a read on him.

"He didn't pop." Suddenly Pruitt said.

"What do you mean?" Andy asked her father.

"I was the one to suggest his name to the Chief." He admitted and it stopped everyone dead in their tracks. "I knew him before his wife died. I worked with him and with the Chief when they were both so green it seems impossible now."

"You knew him?" Andy asked again.

"Yes. And I was there the day his wife died on that crossroad. I supported his transfer out of Seattle. I knew about his career and I knew that he was just the person you needed to get yourselves back together." Pruitt told them in his tough captain voice. "I didn't think he would last this long though." He added and his people shared a look of confusion.

Andy noticed the change in her father and saw others thinking and being ready to argue and she just didn't want that.

"Look, I invited him here. He came and he left. Let it go." She told them and as Bishop glared at them they all surrendered. Andy was surprised that it was her own father to recommend Sullivan here. She was sure he didn't like him. He was too closed off and he wasn't as good as her father would have liked the new Captain to be.

During the next weeks Sullivan healed enough to get physical evaluation. He passed with flying colors and couldn't wait to go back to work. His first day was crazy and he had to come out from his comfort zone. He had to try to be the man he used be before losing his wife. He knew that Pruitt wasn't sure about him, he knew that the old Captain had his reservations when it came to him. He knew that he was the one to recommend him here and he also knew that there was more to that man that he was letting on.

But he had to admit that every advice Pruitt has every given him was helpful. He was a good Captain and he was a fool not to listen to him sooner. And so he did it now. He listened to him. He did what he could to show him he was worth this place, worth the rank and the position. And he could only hope that Pruitt Herrera will understand and give him the chance.

And he did.

Sully felt more and more comfortable at the Station and among the people there. And day by day he was getting the good positive vibe from them – they started to accept him to the crew. He was no longer the man isolated in his office. He was one of them – in his own way. And he liked that.

And there was of course the other thing that would creep up to him and wouldn't let him sleep. He noticed the subtle change in his relationship with Andy. He was sure he was imagining things and so he tried to let it go.

On the evening of Claire's birthday Julie called him and he gladly talked to her. They chatted for an hour before he noticed her smiling differently.

"What is it, Ace?" He asked her.

"What?"

"That smile. What is it about?" He was curious. She chuckled.

"You know, you spent the last twenty minutes talking about a woman." She pointed out.

"What? No, I did not."

"You did, big brother."

"I told you about..." He wanted to explain but she just glared at him with 'really?' written all over her face.

"You were talking about Andy." She said and thought it was self-explanatory. He looked confused though.

"You like her, Bobby." She added when he remained silent.

"She's a friend."

"Uh-huh." Julie nodded.

"Julie, she's from my crew. She's a friend."

"I heard you." She said and kept on smiling. "Just try to think about it from a different angle, Bobby. And you'll see that you like her. As in for real." She said and he had no answer for that.

"It's a good think, if you're thinking about that." Julie told him then.

"You're wrong." He told her.

"Why?"

"I…." He wanted to explain to her that he still loved Claire and that what she was implying was nonsense but he had no words.

"I'm here if you ever need to talk." She said.

"I know." He replied.

"Don't overthink it, okay?" She asked and he nodded.

"Sure, Ace." He replied and she smiled at him.

"Is she pretty?" She asked then just to tease him and he grinned at her.

"Yeah, she's beautiful." He said because no matter what their relationship was, this part was true. Julie kept on grinning and he knew that it was pointless to try to talk to her at this point. She stopped teasing him and the call was over soon.

But it did the trick for him and made him think about Herrera in a way that he most probably shouldn't. In a way he wouldn't allow himself before. He started to think about her as Andy and knew that all those thoughts and feelings he tried to push away stayed there and he should probably face them.

And so he did just that. He faced them. He didn't want to because no matter how many years it had been, he still felt like he was cheating on Claire. But she was dead and it was about damn time he overcame that. He missed her. And he really didn't even want another woman. Well, life had different plans. As usually, huh?

So what? So he liked Andy as a friend. He liked her maybe more. A little bit more. And he knew it was bad and stupid and shouldn't be happening but it just did. He was an idiot, older than her, at a different point in his life than she was. It was just a stupid crush and although it was pleasant when they were spending time together, he knew that it was not something that would lead into anything. She was not interested in him in this way and maybe it was better. He really didn't want to be in Luke's shoes. His relationship with Vic totally surprised him but then he noticed how they both reacted face to face with real danger and had to admit that he admired them both about how they handled it.

When he talked to Julie after the fire at the coffee plant, he knew couple of things for sure. The first one was that Luke was his friend. And he was ready to let him in again. And so he did. He feared for him when he stopped responding and hated that feeling. So he offered him the olive branch Luke had been seeking for all those months and was happy when Luke accepted.

He also realized how he actually cared about Andy and that part was scary. No, really scary because after the work-out that morning he had some very inappropriate feelings for her including something he hadn't felt in a really really long time. Her laughter made his stomach flip and do a somersault and as they touched and were so close together, he felt his fingers tingle. His heart was beating so fast and strong that it scared him. These feelings were new for him. Dangerous. Unexpected. They were long forgotten and so now even more surprising.

Julie let him talk and when she noticed he was done talking she changed the topic and talked about her day, about her friend in London and as her kids just came home they talked to him too. It took his mind off things and he felt better.

The bigger shock it was when he called her so soon after the last call. She took the call and immediately knew something was very wrong.

"Bobby?" She asked, worried. He didn't reply for couple of minutes. She sat silently on the other end and waited for him to say something. She was just there for him as best as she could.

"Luke died." He said then and burst into silent tears.

"He… got poisoned with hydrofluoric acid during the last call."

"Oh Bobby…" Julie whispered, hand in front of her mouth.

"I got a chance to talk to him before he died. We… we're good." He added.

"How's Jennifer doing?" Julie asked.

"As expected. She asked me to help her with the funeral."

"Do you want me to come over?" She asked him and he was surprised.

"What?"

"Just say the word and I'll come." She said and he started to cry himself.

"No, you don't have to, but thank you." He replied.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure. I…"

"What, Bobby?"

"I probably wouldn't hold it together with you there." He admitted and she chuckled despite the tears. She just waited if he had something more to say.

"Can I do something?" She asked then.

"You already did." He replied.

"I'm so sorry." She said after another silent minute.

"Me too." He said back and apologized, he was exhausted. He ended the call. He still felt Andy's hand in his as she stood there with him, silent and strong for him. And he knew that he was screwed because whatever it had been before, now it was something else, something he didn't dare to name. He cared about her. He liked her – damn Julie, she was right. And in a way it seemed he needed her. And it scared him because those he cared about would always die. And he just couldn't go through that again.

That day Andy was sitting at home with a phone in her hand, debating if she should call him or not. She wanted to, she wanted to offer comfort and asked if he needed anything, she wanted to be there for him as he lost his best friend. She just wanted to do something. Vic was in her room, she offered to take the couch and let her sleep in real bed. She heard her crying as she let go after coming back home from the station where she shared her pain with everyone else and they were there with her and for her. Back there Andy heard her Captain's footsteps and knew he was all alone to face everything. He didn't dare to come to them and they didn't dare to go to him. They shared the same pain but in a different way and Andy was torn. She wanted to do something. She just wanted to… help. She cared about that man, he was a friend. And he deserved better.

Damned. In the end she put her phone down and cursed. It wasn't fair. Nothing about this was fair!

* * *

_One more to go. Christmas chapter I promise!_


	3. Chapter 3

Sullivan knew that if he would start to think about it he would turn around and leave. What the hell was he even doing there? Standing in front of Andy's door. He shouldn't be there. He was her Captain. He wasn't supposed to be there. He wasn't supposed to do a lot of things and yet he did them so what the hell huh?

Okay so he almost died with her during a wildfire. So she had to save his ass again because if it wasn't for her they wouldn't have known about the pool. And yes, in that damn pool he let her past his walls and then he touched her face because they were about to die so why the hell not. He just wanted to let her know how much she meant to him as he was about to lose her.

But they made it out okay. And he was doomed. All those past weeks came back rushing to him, crashing into his chest, slamming into his heart and it was hard to breathe. He had been attracted to her. He was no idiot not to notice. She was funny, smart, beautiful. She was annoying and stubborn and sometimes her ego was through the roof. But she was brave and honest and he truly liked her, enjoyed her company and honestly? When they kissed he felt like he hasn't in years. He felt whole.

And like an idiot because she was his Lieutenant and he had no right to kiss her. He had no right to like her and he definitely had no right to hurt her like he did when he told her to go. And he did hurt her, he knew. He should have told her that his leg gave up on him and that he couldn't feel a damn thing. He should have told her that he wanted more than Captain's bunk with her. He should … well he screwed up.

He heard her walk away and knew it was a mistake. He made a terrible mistake.

It took two hours before his leg got back. Two long agonizing hours. He had to call Grey Sloan, he got instructions and was scheduled for the morning in case his leg would get okay on its own. If not he should get there without delay.

Those two long hours were disturbed when his day got even better when he got a call about Warren and the top was the call informing him about Montgomery's arrest. Well, sure, why not. Like the crew of 19 didn't have to face enough crap already. It at least gave him something to focus on so he could forget about his impossible situation – and about the fact that he was just an idiot.

He had to call the acting Chief to talk to him about Warren as he didn't want to fire him as the board from Medic One recommended. It was a long talk but O'Hallorhan was a good man, Sully had worked him before so when he asked to keep Warren, he said yes, that he would support him and try to do his best. They would have to wait for the official report from Medic One before taking action. And he would have to talk to Warren as well. Sully knew he wanted to leave to keep his family together so he would understand if Warren would rather quit but he had to admit that it would be a shame. But as he told him before, family first.

With Montgomery it was a different thing. He had no idea what to do. So he called someone who could. Pruitt Herrera.

"Sir? Sorry to call."

"What's up Sullivan?"

"I could use your help, Sir." Sullivan admitted and waited for Pruitt to say something. It took him a moment to answer but when he did, he agreed and asked Sullivan for details. So he told him what he knew.

"And why don't you go over there?" Pruitt asked.

"I can't, Sir." Sullivan said and had the distinct feeling that he would have to tell him the whole truth.

"Why not? He's your man."

"I know and trust me I want to help him but I can't go there."

"Sullivan." Pruitt warned him and was shocked to hear the younger man sigh.

"I can't walk right now, Sir. My leg gave out and I don't know why. I just called Grey Sloan and have an appointment there." Sullivan said and hated how defeated he sounded. Pruitt didn't reply. Sullivan didn't want to tell him more but sometimes it was better not to.

"Sir? Can you go to see Montgomery, please?" He asked again.

"Yes, of course son." Pruitt replied and knew that he just let the young man know that he actually cared about him.

"Thank you." He replied and meant it. "Sir, there's one more thing." He said and told him about the other thing he needed to sort out. As he knew he'd be off duty till his leg was okay for hundred percent he needed someone to take his chair and run 19.

He had to call the acting Chief again and tell him about his condition. That wasn't pretty. But he also told him about his talk with Pruitt and hoped that those two would figure something out.

His leg got better and he had to decide what to do. And yes, he could things about a million things to do that had to be done and arranged and prepared but there was just one thing on his mind. Andy. And so once he could walk he took his bag from the garage to his office, took his phone and keys and left. He needed to see her, he had to try to explain and apologize and hope that he didn't lose one of his best. That he didn't lose her. In any way.

When he knocked at the door he had a fleeting thought that it might be Bishop opening the door and that would be more than just awkward. But it was Andy.

And he was unable to speak.

She looked horrible. Her hair tousled, eyes puffy and red, her face was swollen like she had cried before. He had hurt her and now he witnessed the consequences. It was unforgivable.

"Sir?" She asked, her voice flat and without emotions. She was so drained she couldn't care less.

"Andy…" He tried.

"What do you want?" She asked coldly.

"To talk. And I want to apologize." He replied, still standing in the hallway. It felt like a lifetime ago when he stood there the last time.

"Goodbye, Sir." Andy said and wanted to close the door but he stopped her. He knew that if he let her do it then it would be the end and he was not ready for that. He had to do something.

"Give me a chance, please." He said and stepped inside. He closed the door behind him and was worried when she didn't even put up a fight.

She stood there silently and even though he thought about it quite a lot he had no idea what to say.

"So?" She prompted.

"I am sorry, Andy. I never meant to …"

"What? You never meant to do what?" She asked, her anger rising.

"Look, what happened between us…" He tried again but she jumped in as before.

"You didn't want that to happen, I get it. You made yourself clear when you told me leave." She said and he could hear the pain in her voice along with something else. She was mad. Really mad. Well, he couldn't blame her.

"No. I wanted that to happen. I never meant to hurt you."

"What do you want, Robert?" She asked in defeat because she was just too tired for this. "Just tell me and go because I'm really tired."

"Andy…"

"Stop this! You think you can just come here and what? Say you're sorry and that's it? You humiliated me. You hurt me. You rejected me just when I was ready to accept that there was something between us. I still don't understand how or when that happened but you just told me to go. And so I left. I walked and I cried because I was hurt and angry. And honestly? I don't want to see you right now. I just want you to go so I can come back to work on Monday and pretend it never happened." She said and hated herself for opening this much to him and for feeling the tears in her eyes.

"You're wrong." He said, his voice thick with emotions and Andy just blinked away the tears and turned around so she would probably just leave him there. He realized that talking was futile right then because she was indeed tired and more importantly hurting and mad. And it was him who caused that.

So he reached out, risked that she would physically hurt him, he spun her around and brought her closer, let her small frame collide with his chest. He put his hand on her face, into her hair and leaned for a kiss. This time it was him who kissed her, his other hand on her waist. He just didn't want to leave and let her think he didn't want her. It was against everything he has ever believed in but God damn it, he did want her.

And so he kissed her with everything that was in him and after the initial shock she kissed back, overwhelmed with the moment, like her body was not her own, she was so fragile in his arms and even though she totally hated it, she felt so safe there.

Her brain kicked in and she pushed away.

"What… You can't just…" She said, stepping away.

"I really am sorry about what happened. I shouldn't have told you to leave."

"You shouldn't. But you did it. And apology won't help."

"Did you change your mind?" He asked then although he suspected that the answer was no.

"It doesn't matter now. It's too late."

"What do you mean too late?" He didn't understand.

"Because now we have to think about it, think it through, we have to talk about it. We can't say it just happened from the adrenalin rush. It's too late. You're my Captain." She said in defeat unsure if she answered the question or not. She wasn't sure about the answer anyway.

"Tell me to leave then. Look me in the eye and tell me to go." He asked her and she tried to do that. She tried several times but she was just like a gaping fish out of water.

And so Sully made that step and crushed her to him, claiming her lips and silencing all her thoughts. Andy whimpered and clung to him like he was the last thing saving her from losing herself.

So they kissed and they touched. But they didn't talk. And they didn't laugh as they laughed before, this was different. It was raw and it was somehow desperate. Loosening the string that held her pants on her hips was easy. The fabric pooled down at her feet and she stepped out of it. He wasn't letting her go. Taking few steps he had her against the wall, kissing her with abandon and passion.

They turned around and suddenly she was sitting on a piece of furniture. It allowed her to help him to take off his t-shirt and he took off hers. As he claimed her swollen lips again she undid his belt and threw that item away. She was back in his office when he did the same thing with hers and was glad when his tongue found his way into her mouth so could lose herself in this and stop thinking. She didn't want to think at all.

Sullivan knew that this was not what he thought would be the outcome of his visit but he couldn't care less. He still didn't get to explain his behavior and there was a small part of his brain telling him that this was a mistake but he shut that part up. He was just stepping out of his jeans as her nails were scratching his back and they were kissing like crazy.

Both left in their underwear they pressed closer so every inch of their skin was touching the other, the contact was so intense and so pure that they both forgot about everything else. When they finally reached her room because he was not about to let it happen on the couch, there was not a thing that could stop them. Reaching behind him he shut the door. He spun her around in his arms so now her back was pressed to his front. He touched her everywhere he could reach, listening to her reactions, trying to read her in this intimate way, kissing her neck.

Andy moaned and whimpered like she did in his office and he almost lost it.

"Robert." She said then, half whispering. "Bed. Now." She managed to say before turning around again and kissing him. He walked them the two steps to her bed and although it was a bit weird at first, clumsy, soon their instincts took over and neither stopped to think about the situation. They just surrendered to it and enjoyed every minute. Very little was said but the connection between them seemed to get stronger and deeper than before.

Sullivan was nervous because it's been quite a while since he loved a woman but apparently he hasn't forgotten everything. There were no complaints from her side so maybe he was doing it right. He was older than she was but living the past years in solitude gave him little comfort and self-esteem. Knowing he was capable of making her moan like that, her eyes closing when the pleasure was too intense, it felt good. He felt good. And alive. There were details he didn't have time to notice at first but then it all came back to him and he knew he would never forget that.

Andy was tired but with him every cell in her body was awake. When her brain stopped screaming at her that sleeping with her Captain was a bad idea, she let go of all her worries and just enjoyed every single minute.

Andy wasn't one of those that needed physical contact after making love. Well couple of times when she was with Jack they fell asleep afterwards and Ryan slept over couple of times too but they never cuddled right after. This time it was different though. When she got her breathing under control she dared to look at Robert. He was lying on his back, his arm over his head, the sheet from her bed draped over his leg and abdomen; he was breathing fast, his chest moving. Andy was watching him and something in her didn't let her just get up and take a shower. She reached out instead, placed her palm over his heart and waited for his reaction.

Robert was trying not to think about what just happened. It was too good to have it spoiled. He was glad it happened although he would prefer it to happen under different circumstances. He honestly didn't know what to do. He was hyper aware of his surroundings, of the scent, of the material of her bed sheets, of the light peeking through the curtains. When Andy touched his chest his breathing stopped and his heart started to beat madly. He dared to look in her way. She was lying there on her stomach, all lean and slim, beautiful. He didn't really get to enjoy the view before so he took his time now. And then he realized she had fallen asleep.

He put her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. Covering her up so she wouldn't get cold he knew he had to get up and go because otherwise he would fall asleep as well and this – whatever it was – would turn into something else, something they would have to think about and talk about. And right now when he wasn't sure about the condition of his leg and about his future, he didn't want to drag her into that.

And yes, they should have talked about that before but well… for once he just did what he needed to do, what he wanted to do, what he longed to do and didn't stop to think first.

Andy needed her sleep and he could call her in the morning right after his appointment in Grey Sloan and ask her out, at least for a coffee, to talk about both the morning in his bunk and this and about his leg. Leaving her was one of the hardest things in his life. But he didn't have the heart to wake her up. It took him some time to locate all his clothes – well maybe if he focused on that it wouldn't have been that hard but he couldn't stop looking at her.

He had to go – and soon – because he was one step from climbing back to the bed with her. It hit him square in the chest. This was not just about attraction, adrenalin and intense experiences that brought them together. This was more. Much more. At least for him. And that could make only thing. Troubles. With one last look and bad feeling about it, he left, determined to call her the other day and fix it all, fix them.

Andy woke up in the morning and couldn't believe she had slept through the whole afternoon and night. At first she wasn't sure if she had dreamt about Sullivan or if it was true. She was naked in her own bed and when she listened to her body she realized that it did happen. Sullivan came to see her, to talk to her. It was all fuzzy and she couldn't really remember what he said. She had been so tired and so exhausted from everything that happened in the past few days that she didn't really know. She knew she tried to tell him to go but instead he kissed her and she gave in. And it was even better and more intensive than in the morning at the Station.

Andy looked around her room, saw her underwear on the floor and felt ashamed and excited and then humiliated when it all came back rushing to her. Oh Jesus. She got up, took her robe and walked to the living room. Maya was there sitting on the couch and Andy knew she wouldn't escape the inevitable talk. Her clothes were put over the chair in the kitchen. Andy cursed under her breath and with a deep breath walked to Maya.

"Hey." Andy said.

"Do I have to ask or will you tell me?" Maya asked with a smile on her face. Andy sighed and sat down next to her on the couch.

"Can we just let this go?" Andy asked hopefully and Maya watched her for a really long time, trying to assess the situation.

"Are you okay?" She asked Andy instead of trying to find out more about the mysterious guy that obviously had something to do with her friend's clothes being all over the living room.

"I don't know." Andy said honestly and Maya didn't fail to notice that she seemed somehow sad. "How was your day yesterday?" Andy asked.

"Hmmm… certainly interesting. Do you remember the woman, my first girlfriend I told you about her I think."

"Yeah, Nicole? I remember."

"Well she's Miller's Nikky." Maya said and Andy gaped at her not believing it.

"You're kidding."

"No. She was there and I heard Miller telling her to come and meet Gibson's better half and then there she was. And I have no words for how awkward that was." Maya said and Andy could understand that it had to be really difficult.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really. Do you want to talk about your day yesterday?"

"No, not really." Andy said.

And as they had a free day they took a shower, got dressed and went out to grab something to eat and some good coffee. They both needed the fresh air to clear their heads. Andy was near to tears when she realized that Sullivan had left and didn't leave a note or a message. She felt used somehow. The rational part of her knew that he wouldn't just use her but well…

The weekend was gone and Sullivan didn't call and didn't even text her. So by Sunday evening Andy decided to accept the situation. They relieved the tension that had been between them – and boy was that good. She still felt his lips and his stubble at certain places that made her heart beat just a little too fast. And now they were back to business. He was her Captain. She was his Lieutenant. And that was it.

Being honest with herself she had to admit that if she wanted to avoid complications she shouldn't let it happen again. It hurt and she knew it would be hard because she got used to having him around as a friend of sorts. But it had to be done. Besides he was the one to leave without a word so it wasn't like she was the one to determine how it would be between them. His message was clear.

And so all he had to do now was to go to Grey Sloan and hope that he was not done.

When the crew met on Monday, Montgomery was there and so was Warren. Only Sullivan was missing. As a bonus Pruitt came in the morning and joined them for breakfast. They were all surprised, they talked about Warren and his interview, he told them all about it and about Sullivan stepping up to defend him and calling the acting Chief, they talked about Montgomery and his jail-time, about Pruitt coming to the PD and meeting a lawyer there that Hughes called. Miller even talked to Gibson friendly although it was still difficult given their situation but they were friends and they were not about to end that friendship just because their girlfriends used to date. There was some tension there but together they seemed to be okay enough to be a team.

Andy seemed okay. Maya knew something was off. But Andy made it clear she didn't want to talk about it so Maya let it go. The spark she used to have in her eyes were gone but other than that Andy was the perfect role-model of a firefighter she had always been so Maya couldn't really say anything. She would love to help her but Andy asked her to let it go and she agreed. If her friend needed time and space, she could give her that at least.

"Okay people so for the next two weeks you're stuck with me." Herrera said and they all looked at him.

"Sir?" Gibson asked.

"Your Captain is taking some personal leave and as O'Hallorhan is just settling in to his new position, he asked me to help out. And I agreed."

"So O'Hallorhan will be named Chief?" Miller asked.

"Yes." Pruitt replied and looked at Vic.

"How is he, Sir?" Vic asked Pruitt and he had to think about it for a moment. He knew that kid.

"He'll do good." He said in the end.

"If you trust him, fine by me." Bishop said and they all agreed. Pruitt only smirked. Like it was any of their business who would be named the Chief. But he trained them well and could see it now.

Andy kept on staring into her mug with coffee. Sullivan took personal leave. And he didn't say anything, didn't call or text, he just left her and left the crew and took personal leave.

She heard others talk about it and they all thought it was just a delayed reaction to losing Ripley but she knew it was not. She was surprised as she felt glad when the first call of the day came and she had to leave.

Sullivan did want to call her but on his way home his leg felt funny again. He had cramps in it and then sharp pain that made him cry out and curse. And so he called his doctor and she asked him to come as soon as possible. And so he found himself admitted to a room, again he had that horrible green-ish hospital gown and again he was at the mercy of his doctor and her team. She arrived about an hour after him.

"I'm sorry doc, I didn't mean to disturb your evening." He apologized.

"Yeah, sitting alone at home watching tv is just the best program one can hope for." She replied with a smile. "So, tell me." She asked and he told her everything – leaving out some personal details as he doubted she needed to know how and when it happened for the first time.

"Any injuries?" She asked and so he told her about L.A., about kicking that locked door and the pain he felt around his knee and up in his thigh.

"Oh My God, how did you manage to escape?"

"We jumped to a pool and stayed underwater till the fire passed." He said and looked so uncomfortable that she asked no more questions. She made some notes and then examined him.

"So? What's the verdict doc?" He asked.

"You know I can't tell you right now." She said and as she saw him being ready to protest, she put her palm on his shoulder. "I will know more in couple of days. I will schedule some tests and we'll see, okay?"

"Doc…" He wasn't happy.

"Look, the good news is that it gets better and back to normal after these incidents so it doesn't seem like anything permanent. You probably hurt your knee when you kicked that door. We just have to determine how extensive that injury is and then we will know how to treat it."

"Okay." He said in defeat.

"Are you on sick leave?" She asked.

"No. I took personal leave. I don't want to worry my team. They've had it rough the past weeks." He said and she nodded.

"Try to get some sleep, Sully. And I'll see you tomorrow." She said and he nodded. "And if you brought any clothes you can change." She added and he smiled gratefully. Yeah, he brought some clothes but he dearly hoped he wouldn't need them.

And so his world collapsed around him again. When he called the Chief and asked for personal leave he thought it would be for a day or two but now after what the doc said he had the distant feeling he was about to spend some time here and then not on active duty.

He had his phone in his hand and wanted to call Andy, wanted to at least send a text. But he couldn't. He didn't have the right words. He hated his situation. Life was a bitch sometimes.


	4. Chapter 4

In two weeks he had to call the Chief and Pruitt and ask for another week to get through all the evaluations he needed. But then he was cleared for active duty. Only Pruitt and O'Hallorhan knew about his condition. When he came back to the office he needed about ten seconds to know that he had messed up. Andy wouldn't look at him at first and when she did she was all yes, Sir and no, Sir and she wouldn't say anything personal. He tried to talk to her but she just excused herself and left. When he tried the second time she asked him if he needed something.

"Andy…"

"Lieutenant or Herrera is fine, Sir." She said and the cold message was clear.

And so time passed and whatever had been between them was gone. She was the perfect officer and he couldn't really say anything. She treated him with respect and as her Captain, she was being professional. But the friendly banter was gone, the smiles were gone, the little touches were gone. They were gone. And he knew it was his fault.

He wanted to explain, to apologize and tell her everything but she made it clear she wasn't interested. And so he didn't push because he was not that kind of man. He had to watch himself not to slip in his actions for example on calls when the situation escalated and Andy was in danger. He had to make sure not to linger on her for too long and he had to accept the fact that the screwed up and was too late to fix it.

Weeks went by and soon it was just a few days before Christmas.

Andy was back to herself. Maya knew something changed as her friend didn't have a single overnight visit ever since coming back from L.A. but she didn't say anything. It was not her place. Well she tried to ask like a thousand times but Andy wouldn't answer. They argued over it twice and then it occurred to Maya that Andy was hurt and that she seemed like she actually cared about that mystery man but that things didn't exactly work out. And that made her curious even more because not even after breaking up with Gibson back then she wasn't in such state.

So this was something else.

The gossip mill at the Station run wild though. Montgomery and his actual hand written letters with his deaf long-distance lover, Hughes and her new boyfriend from Grey Sloan – which seemed like a horrible idea but as Warren pointed out, sometimes this was the way people cope with losing someone they loved. And then there was of course the all time favorite topic named Nikky. There were no more double dates or brunches but to everyone's surprise Miller and Nikky made it work and he seemed happy. Maya told Gibson about her past with Nicole and apparently Nikky told Miller. How much their stories differ was a question nobody dared to ask.

Andy and her non existent love life was a topic too but short lived as she worked so hard they just thought she wanted to focus on her work instead of on something else. She started to tutor cadets, she took extra training hours and was basically living at the Station.

Then there was the last thing people couldn't get out of their heads. Although Sullivan used to be closed off and wouldn't even have breakfast with them, ever since he came back from his personal leave this changed. It wasn't something that would happen daily but there were days where he would come and join them. He really tried to connect with them, he tried to be one of them and they appreciated it. Only few noticed that the connection he used to have with Herrera was gone.

And so now when there was snow outside again, Sully was just talking to his sister and her kids. It was a nice and pleasant talk and he was glad about it, he needed it. When the kids left his sister watched him carefully before asking him if he was okay.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well… it's Christmas."

"I know and I'm fine, really."

"I don't like it that you're alone on Christmas."

"I don't mind, Ace. I'll probably take a shift at the Station so someone with a family waiting for him back home can have the day off anyway." He said and she gave him a look that could kill.

"You have a family too."

"I didn't mean it like that." He tried to apologize but she just smiled.

"I know. And what about Andy?"

"What about her?" He asked and his tone shifted.

"Well she was with you last year."

"Yeah, but I was lying in hospital bed then."

"So?"

"So nothing, Julie."

"What happened, Bobby?"

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I didn't want to ask because you obviously didn't want to talk about it but don't play dumb with me. You used to talk all about her, you were so happy and I really thought there was something happening between you two. And then it was gone and you're sad." She said with concern. "So do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Julie, don't." He said coldly.

"It's Christmas." She replied.

"And?" He asked as he didn't know what she meant with that.

"And on Christmas you tell the truth."

"Julie…"

"I don't know what happened but now it's the best time to fix it."

"Because it's Christmas."

"Aren't you a bright boy?" She asked mockingly and he laughed. "Just promise me you'll think about it. Trust me, Bobby." She said.

"Okay, I'll think about it." He replied and she blew him a kiss.

That evening brought back some long forgotten memories about last Christmas, about the movies they watched, about the food they shared, about her small frame leaning into his on that uncomfortable hospital bed, about the hug she gave him because it was Christmas. And of course some other memories resurfaced and he didn't get much sleep that night. Everything seemed wrong and he knew it was his fault.

The next day was relatively calm. Andy was one of the last people at the Station, she was just closing the utility box on one of the cars when she noticed Sullivan. He was in his civil clothes, standing there, watching her.

"Herrera." He said and she waited for the rest.

"Sir."

"We need to talk."

"About what, Sir? Did something happen?" She asked as at first she didn't realize it could have been personal.

"Andy." He tried again and she stopped with everything and just watched him.

"We don't have anything to talk about." Andy said and her voice trembled like her hands. She couldn't do this.

"We do. And if you don't want to talk, could you please at least listen?" He asked.

"Sir…" She tried to find a way out of this. He on the other hand took two steps closer.

"I don't know how to start so I'm just going to say it, okay?" He asked and she had no reply for him.

"After L.A…." He started and she took a step back.

"Don't." She warned him.

"No. I've waited too long. We have to talk about it." He started over.

"No, we don't. You made yourself clear." She said.

"Did I?"

"Yes. You told me to go, remember? And then you were the one to leave." She reminded him. She didn't want to continue with that talk as they were on the Station, anyone could hear them and it was her sacred space where she could be free and she didn't need this, not now, not here, not ever.

"And you never gave me a chance to explain." He replied.

Neither knew that they had witnesses. Hughes and Bishop were passing by and they heard them talking. At first they wanted to leave but when Andy said 'you were the one to leave' they got interested in the conversation.

"What do you want to explain?" Andy asked back, angry and worried, everything she felt during those days after L.A. came rushing to her and she felt the weight of those emotions crushing her chest. So she pushed his buttons, tried to make him snap so she could just leave and let him be.

"You changed your mind?" She asked and only one part of her wanted to know the answer.

Sullivan on the other hand was on the brink. She wasn't making it easy for him, that was for sure. He was a lot of things but he wasn't a coward. So he decided to fight.

"Andy…"

"Or did you change your mind after what happened? Was it not good enough?" She asked angrily and that was the last thing he could stand.

"Could you shut up for once and listen to me, Herrera? God damn it." He cursed. Andy was shocked so she actually stood still.

"I didn't change my mind, how could I? I wanted to explain it to you but you wouldn't give me a choice. So listen now." He paused and she indeed stayed silent. "When you came back I couldn't walk."

"What?" She asked even though she didn't really want to say anything.

"I couldn't walk, Andy. My leg gave out. It took me hours before I could move again. And when I could I went to see you. I wanted to tell you this and I wanted to apologize for… for hurting you."

"Why?"

"I got hurt in L.A. I spent weeks in hospital before they let me back on active duty." He said.

"No, I mean why didn't you tell your leg was hurt instead of telling me to go?" She asked and couldn't keep the emotions from her voice.

"I honestly don't know. I panicked. I.. I didn't want you to have to save me again." He admitted and she didn't understand. "I didn't know what was going to happen."

Andy stood there, tears in her eyes and little was making sense. She was so confused she just wanted to leave. No man ever made her feel like that – both good and bad emotions.

"I had my appointment in the morning, I had to get there and I didn't want to say anything till I knew what was wrong with me." He admitted, standing toe to toe with her then.

"I don't understand." Andy said then and had to swallow the lump in her throat.

"I care about you, Andy. On more than just one level. And I didn't want to mess it up. None of it."

"You're idiot!" She told him then and smacked his chest.

"Yes. I know. And I am sorry. I really am." He said honestly and God knows why he put his palm on her cheek like back then in that pool. Andy's lip trembled and he wanted to kiss her so much it shocked him.

"Why are you telling me now?"

"It's Christmas. And on Christmas you tell the truth." He said and before she could kick his ass or he could change his mind, he kissed her softly. Andy didn't move at all.

"Just don't think I changed my mind about you, about us. Because I didn't. I don't do causal Andy. And yes, I screwed up but honestly? Caring about someone after so long is pretty scary. Especially when that someone is you." He said and knew he should go or he could do something stupid or say more and be even bigger idiot. He said too much anyway.

With one last look he took a step back.

"I'll see you soon, Lieutenant."

Andy watched him go and felt tears on her cheeks and her fingers were trembling. She felt like she just got run over by a truck. It didn't make any sense. When Maya suddenly touched her shoulder Andy jumped in surprise.

"Maya? Vic?" She wasn't sure what was happening.

"I have about a million questions." Vic said and looked so happy she could easily squeal.

"Don't." Andy pleaded.

"Just one then, okay?" Maya said and Vic looked at her like she was kidding.

"Are you deaf?" Maya asked.

"What?" Andy didn't understand.

"Didn't you just hear him? Andy he loves you!" Maya said and part of her silently enjoyed the pure shock on her friend's face.

"Thank you. My point exactly." Vic added. "What are you still doing here? Go." She said. "Go find him." Vic prompted and Andy still looked confused.

"It's Christmas." Maya added and it took Andy a while before putting it all together.

"Okay." She said and left them standing there. She quickly changed and then drove over to his place. Nothing made sense but she just knew she should be there, she was pulled there and besides her lips still tingled from that kiss.

When she stopped to think she realized that Maya and Vic probably heard everything and would put the two and two together which wasn't really good. But she could deal with that later. She knocked on the door and when he opened she just stepped in and kissed him without saying anything.

She heard the door as he closed it and only when they needed some air she stepped aside.

"You care about me." She said.

"Yes." He replied.

"No more secrets." She added.

"No more secrets." He repeated with a smile.

"I still don't understand this." She said and he looked so adorable she actually didn't care.

"Andy. Please forgive me."

"Robert…" She wanted to say something but as he heard her calling him by his given name he could only kiss her again. And soon nothing else mattered, just them. And this time she didn't fall asleep afterwards. And they talked and laughed. They were happy. Andy decided she actually liked to cuddle when it was with him. They were under the covers, pressed close, still basking in the after-glow.

"I would never guess you would be the one to quote Love Actually." She said suddenly.

"What?" He didn't understand. And then it kicked her.

"You don't know Love Actually."

"I'm afraid not."

"We have to fix that. It's the perfect Christmas movie. One and only." She said and talked him into moving to the couch, turning on the TV and watching Love Actually. She wasn't sure that he would make it through, that movie was not really for men but then she looked up at him and saw him wiping his eyes.

"Are you crying?" She asked, not really believing it.

"No." He denied the obvious truth.

"Oh my God, you are. I so knew it."

"Knew what?" He asked as she was looking up at him from his arms.

"That on the outside you're bit tough Captain but on the inside you're just big soft teddy bear." She said with a smile and leaned for another kiss. He grinned at her and pressed her closer to him. So they finished the movie cuddling on the couch, kissing and touching and just forgetting about the outside world. Well, it was Christmas after all.

* * *

_Who can't wait for season 3? PS. the site wouldn't let me upload couple of times so I split the chapter and hopefully the coding will be okay... sorry..._


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